Tag Archives: #mystery

Puzzle Pieces

18 Jul

My brother and his family came to town. I don’t get to see them often because they live far away. It was the first chance I really had to talk to him about everything going on so we took a few minutes away from the family and I sat down and told him everything.

I was really nervous because I was afraid of how he was going to respond but I needed to tell him. It wasn’t something I wanted him to find out from anyone else. He was only five years old at the time my mom got pregnant but he still had memories. I told him how this all came about and the process I had been through and the connections I had found. As we talked I could see the wheels turning in his head.

He seemed most intrigued when I told him father #1 had been a police officer. He recalled a picture of himself when he was a little boy wearing a police t-shirt. He said he had always thought it was random he was wearing a police shirt but maybe it made sense now. He too was trying to make the connections. He wondered how old father #1’s daughters had been at the time. Maybe one or both of them had been his babysitters. What?!? I never would have even thought of that possibility. Maybe! I am not sure where they were at that time but they would have been old enough.

Pieces started to come even further together as he filled me in on different details of their living situation, his father, and the things he remembered. Snapshots of his past.  It made my brain start turning again. Darn you brain!!!

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Brave Little Toaster

2 Jun

I finally had the chance to talk to Anna. She and her father Tim had talked and were trying to make sure they had everything straight as to who all the possibilities could be. I had a few of the blank cheat sheets I had used to try to guesstimate relationships during my research so I pulled them out and drew out the different scenarios for her. I am a visual person. I need to see it in front of me to understand so I wanted to present it that way.

If her father and I were cousins, that meant I was the daughter of one of his two uncles. From the sounds of it, while they all lived in the area, they were not really close with that part of the family anymore.  We chatted back and forth for a few but Anna needed to head to bed. Her newborn had fallen asleep which was one of her rare opportunities to sleep. She said she would be up at some point during the night so feel free to write more and she would get back to me during one of the middle of the night feeds.

I spent a little bit thinking about it. What to say. How to say it. I didn’t want to rock the boat too much but I also didn’t want to let an opportunity pass me by. So I did it. I got brave and I penned her a message. I went for broke and laid it all on the line:

This whole thing has been so crazy. I forget which of the potential “fathers” it was when we started out, but one of them lived on my mom(technically my aunt)’s best friend’s street (and during some of the years which I visited) and I think it was very likely Jake (father #1) worked with her best friend’s husband!! Small world!!!

I was wondering if you and your dad had any thoughts on all of this? Any suggestions? Ultimately for me, I have come so far, I want to find the answer. With that said, I also want to be discreet!! I am not looking to make waves in anyone’s life. For example, if it were Jake, while it would be awesome to have some half siblings, their father is gone. I would not want to do anything to hurt the memory of their father and obviously his wife’s memory…even though she married him a few years after I was born. He would not be there to speak for himself so I am not sure if he would have wanted me to know his family. If it is John (father #2) I realize he is married and I believe it is the same woman he was married to back then. Obviously I would want to have any conversation with him discreetly, not involving his wife. If it were him, whether or not he would want me to be a part of him life and have his family know about me would be up to him. Nowhere in any of this do I want to hurt anyone. I just need these answers for myself and am not asking for anything people don’t want to give beyond that!!!

Either way, I think a conversation with John is the key to everything. From that I would be able to tell if he knew of my mother or not. If not, then I know it is not him. If he did then I would ask questions that would help me learn the things he knew about her and how he met her (which would be awesome just to hear) and of course if he is my father…but would have to try to do it in a way that did not imply that if it wasn’t him, it was his brother because I would not want him to figure that out and tell anyone.  I certainly would not expect your or your dad to have that conversation with anyone!! That is on me to do. I was just hoping maybe you could give me guidance on the best and most discreet way to be in touch. Also of course I would want to know if you preferred me to leave you all out of it…meaning….if he is my father and asks how I found him, if I were to say I took the DNA test I can say that I traced my matches and did their family trees which lead me back to him.  I don’t have to say a word about you helping me or your dad taking the test to help!!! If you would both prefer to be left out of that I would certainly respect that!!! I could even leave out the DNA part and just say I followed clues my mother left behind!!  I just know John is older now and I don’t want to lose time cause you never know how much time you have and I just really want to solve this mystery and maybe if I am really lucky, once I know the answer can walk away with a few stories about the person and a few pictures to have as a memory or momento.

Do I sound corny?  I just, for me, I think after all the years of never having a chance to know my mother and never having a chance to see where I get my eyes, chin, nose etc, and never knowing if my biological father even knew I existed….I just really need this closure.  So any advice you or your dad can give would be amazing….whether I should call him (and what pretense do I use if his wife answers), write a letter, etc. I dunno…..I just need to complete this chapter 🙂

You can imagine my relief when I woke up to Anna’s message the next day. She said that she was going to talk to her dad and see what he said. And queue the waiting game………

I Think I Can…I Think I Can..

30 May

So it seems that somehow my mother was tied to Father #1 through this lodge. Not that it actually answers any questions though! In order to be an associate member of the lodge, you had to be sponsored by a member. So, was Father #1 her sponsor? If so, how had she met him prior to that? What was their original connection? Or, had someone else sponsored her and maybe she met him there?

Taking that one step further though, if all you needed to become an associate member of the lodge was to be sponsored by someone who was a member that means that Father #2 or #3 could have been associate members too. Could she have met one of them there? Or did she know father #1 and met Father #2 or #3 through him?

Really, the finding of this card does not answer any of my questions questions. In fact, if anything, it creates MORE questions. But is does do one thing. It proves that I am on the right track!!!

Through this DNA test I have found a relative that matches pretty closely. This match and her family as well as all the possible “fathers” lived in the town that mother was living and working in when she got pregnant with me. The associate membership card for the Lodge shows there was a definite connection. It not only put them in the same city but in the same organization. So while the massive amount of new questions is discouraging, it is also encouraging. I am that much closer to solving this mystery. I can do it. I will do it. I HAVE to do it…..for me!

 

Three Men and a Grownup Baby

25 May

So I am afraid of getting my hopes up. I feel like I am so close to finally having an answer but my fear is that maybe that is all it is. Hopes. Hopes that will be dashed, broken down. I mean after all, to go from no hope of ever knowing who my biological father would be to being so close to the answer, how could this be possible? How can I keep my emotions from getting the best of me?

But hope it is! I will take it. Mostly because I feel like there is a reason I am supposed to know now. It has been a secret for so long with not even an ounce of a clue or direction and then suddenly, all this information has just landed in my lap. Why now? Is my mom ready to reveal her secret? Does she think I am ready to know now? Who might these mystery men be? What was the connection between my mother and biological father? How did they meet? Why hide this man from the world? From me?

I decided to take a break from all the family tree research and the daily frying of my brain trying to figure out relationships between people. Instead, I wanted to learn anything I could about the three potential “fathers” in my life.

Sometimes I despise social media and the internet. The constant connection, the unnecessary information people share, our inability to unplug. But there are other times when I live for the internet. When used for the right reasons, it is a plethora of information and tools.

I spent the next day or two trolling social media, googling and doing any other research I could on my three potential fathers. Information, pictures, anything I could find. The irony….one of them lived on the same street as my now mom’s best friend. In fact they lived on the same street during times that I was there in her best friend’s house! Imagine that, I could have been just a few doors away from my father and didn’t even know it! How crazy to wrap my head around that!

So who were these men?

Father #1 – he was about twenty some odd years older than my mother. He had been in the military and later had a long career as a police officer. He was divorced during the time that my mother would have known him and remarried about six years after I was born. He had several biological children and adopted several children as well. I saw pictures of him. He has a kind face and sounded like a really nice and good man.

Father #2 – he was also about twenty some odd years older than my mother (Father 1 and 2 are brothers). I don’t know as much about him aside from the fact that he was married at the time and I believe is still married to the same woman now. I haven’t seen any pictures of him as a younger man but he seems happy and family oriented. There are lots of pictures of him with his grandchildren.

Father #3 – I believe he was my mother’s age, maybe a year or so younger. He was in the military and not married at the time. I haven’t seen younger pictures of him, but as a man in his 60’s, he looks kind and happy. He is married now with several children.

As I wait for the rest of the mystery to unfold, all of this new information keeps racing around in my brain. Who are you? How am I going to figure out who you are? Do you look like me? (yes, I have totally taken their pictures and put them next to mine to see if I see any similarities). In the meantime, the betting line is now open. Who do you think it is going to be?  Feel free to take a guess 🙂

Fundamentals

13 Apr

As a child growing up, I always knew what family was. From the age of two and ½ to six, it was me and my mom against the world. When I was six, she married a man who became my dad. At eight and a half my first sister was born and at twelve, my second sister. Sounds pretty simple right? Now that would just make things way too easy!!

When my mother found out she was pregnant with me, she was a twenty eight year old single mom with a six year old son. She had been married to my brother’s father but had since gotten divorced. She and my brother moved to Pennsylvania where she got a job and planned to raise her son.

Somewhere in all of that she was thrown a curve ball……ME! She called her parents, sisters and brother and told them that she was pregnant. People say she sounded happy. I believe I came as quite the surprise but her message to everyone was that the father was not involved and she would be keeping the baby.

I don’t know what made her decide to keep me. She did not even know me yet. Maybe she did not want to go through the process of an abortion. Maybe she was in love with the man that fathered me. It is a mystery. He is a mystery. How they met is a mystery. Why didn’t she tell anyone who he was?

Most children grow up hearing the story about how their parents met, fell in love…and the rest is history. Not me. Not only did the book not come with a story, it came without a name or even a face.

I was born in August. A Leo. What I know of this time is foggy because all I have is snippets of everyone else’s stories. I try to piece them together into a chronological pattern but over the years they have all run together. I think the day I was born my brother was rough housing with my cousins and ended up in the emergency room getting stitches.

Many people look in the mirror and ponder who they look most like. Do I have my mom’s eyes? My dad’s nose? Whose smile did I get? I look in the mirror and just see a face staring back at me. Mine. I don’t have much to compare it to.

When I was four and a half months old, my mother got sick. She was in the hospital with pneumonia. The doctors went to do a procedure to help her with her breathing. During the surgery, she went into cardiac arrest. Sixteen minutes (I think) she was on the table without oxygen. For two weeks she was in a coma, machines breathing for her and keeping her alive. She never came home. She was 28 years old, just shy of her twenty ninth birthday. That is not supposed to happen. A six year old and a newborn at home. She had so much to live for and see. So many things to be a part of. Proms, weddings, grandchildren…just to name a few. But in the blink of an eye she was gone. No time to prepare. No one getting to say goodbye.

My brother went to Florida to live with his father. I had no father to go to. I had no “place.” My grandparents (divorced) had guardianship of me. My grandfather made arrangements for me to stay with a family from his church. But what was to be done with me for the long term?  That was yet to be decided.

What’s In A Dream?

12 Apr

As a little girl, Cinderella taught me that, “a dream is a wish your heart makes.” Time passes and we are forced to face the daily reality of life, but I have always found that a little bit of that girl still lives inside of me,

Years have passed. Perspectives have changed. There are many things in life I have been introduced to and do not pretend to understand. Some people say your dreams are where your wishes and reality collide. Others say that dreams are premonitions of things to come or where we sort out our lives in our subconscious. To me, dreams are a mystery I would love to come to better understand.

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you are so into it that when you wake up, you force yourself right back to sleep just so you can find out how it ends? Or what about a dream that is so vivid but the minute you wake up all memory of it is gone?

About 14 years ago I had a dream. It was a dream that I did not want to wake from. It was a dream that was so colorful, happy and satisfying. A dream that left me feeling so complete. I had never had a dream like that before and have not had another one since.

The crazy thing about that dream is that it launched something that until now I did not realize the enormity and gravity of. In my dream, I met my biological mother who died when I was 4 1/2 months old. Until that dream I did not know her, but in that moment I felt so close to her, as though we were best friends.

When I woke up I immediately began a project. It is something I have worked on off and on again for the last 14 years. About 2 weeks ago, something happened that I never would have expected…a twist in my journey that has begun to take me down a road I never imagined………….

#dreams #reality #adventure #premonitions #mystery #journey #mother #search #Cinderella #subconscious #wakeup #twist #project #staytuned