Paper Bag Ventilation

12 May

Waiting for a response was brutal. I sent out several messages just hoping to hear back from someone. But I had done this before on 23 & Me so I was not very optimistic. And then…….it happened. The message that changed it all!

It read:

“Hi! I haven’t done a ton of research… just did the ancestry DNA. I was born in PA in 19xx. Some family names are: Xxxxxxxxxxxx, Xxxxxxx, Xxxxxxxxx, Xxxxxxxx… any of those ring a bell?”

That was it. Just a simple reply. But it was an opening. So I went for it. I took a deep breath and penned a response:

“Hi there 🙂 Soooo, they don’t look familiar to me but I have also only done parts of my tree. I will have to try to see if there are any relatives that are from the area that I have not traced fully. Maybe someone married in and I did not trace them yet. Do you recognize Xxxxx, Xxxxx, Xxxxx, Xxxxxx?

The other part that makes it hard is that I don’t know anything about one side of my family. In fact, I am quite certain they do not even know I exist. That makes it difficult because I don’t know what name I should be tracing 😦

According to the test it predicts we are second cousins which I believe would mean we would possibly share the same great grandparents? My great grandparents were: Xxxxx Xxxxxx and Xxxxxxx Xxxxx and Xxxxxx Xxxxx and Xxxxxxx Xxxxx on my mom’s side. I don’t know about my father’s side. My great grandparents each had 1 child – Xxxxx Xxxxxx and Xxxxxx Xxxxx who married and had 4 children. Xxxxx, Xxxxx, Xxxxxxx and Xxxx. Xxxxxxx was my mother. She was married to Xxxxx Xxxxxxxx. They had a son Xxxxx. She had been living in Florida but got divorced and moved back home to PA with Xxxxx to be closer to family. I believe she was back for about 2 or so years and then I was born. She never told anyone who my father was. She just said that she was pregnant and keeping the baby. When I was 4 1/2 months old she died. I was raised by my aunt (another story there lol!). She eventually married and had 2 children. They gave me everything parents do. I grew up very happy and very blessed to have people that loved me so much. Everyone believes that when I got older my mother would have told me who my father was but that at that point in time she just preferred to keep it to herself. To be honest, I don’t know that he even knows I exist. I am not sure what her reasons were for not telling anyone else who he was, but maybe for the same reasons she didn’t tell him I existed. Or maybe she did and they decided it was better to leave everything well enough alone. Who knows 🙂

If we are not connected through my great grandparents on my mom’s side, it is possible we are connected through one of your sets of great grandparents. Do you have a family tree of the people in your family starting with your great grandparents? I can see Xxxxxx and Xxxxx Xxxxxxxxxxxx and Xxxxxxx and Xxxx Xxxxxxxxx in your pfofile, but the rest is private. If they are your great grandparents, then in theory I believe, one of their children had a child that could have been my father. I will also say…that I have been running on no sleep, my brain hurts today and I haven’t had any coffee yet so I could have done that breakdown wrong lol!!! And of course this is ALL speculative!!!! 

I hope this does not freak you out. Especially because I could be totally wrong!! It is just a guess. Or maybe wishful thinking 🙂 If it does, I am SOOOO sorry!!! Ever since I was a kid I have always wished for a way to find out who my biological father was. Not because I even wanted to introduce myself or be a part of his life because he may not want that. I just wanted to see his face and see if I look like him. That must sound silly. I guess because I grew up without my biological mom I don’t know where I got my nose, my eyes, my smile, etc. 

Again I am so sorry if this is off the wall or freaks you out. Especially if I am wrong in my guesstimating!!! I hope you will be in touch. If nothing else we are related somehow and that is pretty cool in itself 🙂 

Happy Thursday! I hope you have a great day!


Just a few hours later, another message appeared:

“I will definitely help you if I can! None of those names sound familiar so we are likely related on your father’s side. If I am understanding the linage correctly, you would be the daughter the male child of one of my great aunts or uncles? I didn’t fill out a ton of family history and then I stopped my subscription. I emailed my mom for some of the missing pieces. I will give you a breakdown when I hear back from her 🙂 If you don’t hear back from me for a few weeks it’s because my life is about to get really busy… adding another member to the family tree any day now!”

OMG OMG OMG!!! Someone please give me a brown paper bag!! I think I am about to hyperventilate!! Is it possible?!? Were my suspicions correct?!? When I had originally looked at her ancestry she had many of the ethnic regions and groups that were new to me when I had gotten my results back. I had a suspicion before sending my original message that MAYBE she might be related on my biological father’s side. The fact that she did not recognize any of the surnames and I had not come across any of hers in my previous research was another hint I could very well be on to something.

Could it be possible? If she and I were related on my father’s side, I went from no chance of ever even knowing where to even start looking, to possibly being only two sets of great grandparents away from finding my biological father!!!

I needed a few minutes to process this as a wild mixture of emotions raced through me. Astonishment, excitement, curiosity, nervousness, shock….the list goes on and on. She had reached out to her mom for more information and was waiting to hear back. Since She was going to need info from both her mom and dad’s sides I wasn’t sure how long it would take and the clock was ticking down to her delivery date for her new baby. Once the baby arrived I would obviously be the furthest thing from her mind. I was at her mercy!!! I was so excited and ready to burst, yet forced to somehow try to figure out how to be patient and HOPE that I would actually hear from her again!!!!!!




One Response to “Paper Bag Ventilation”

  1. Zachary P. Hubbard May 13, 2017 at 10:53 pm #

    Patience is more than endurance. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says — “I cannot stand any more.” God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands. For what have you need of patience just now? Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith.
    —Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest, May 8th)


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